How to Make A Woman Come
Treatment of Orgasm Difficulties
How can it be made easier for a woman's partner to learn how to give a woman an orgasm? This is a complex question because there are so many different levels on which "assistance" might be provided.
It could be offered in relatively simplistic ways involving direct intervention in immediate family and living arrangements, at one extreme, and esoteric psychotherapeutic procedures at the other extreme. Let us review some of the possibilities we have seen about how to give a woman an orgasm, whether during sex play or intercourse.
1. At the simplest level, consider whether the partner (i.e. the long term sexual partner) of the woman with orgasmic problems displays behavior that emphasizes his lack of dependability. Is he away for long periods of time? Does he fluctuate markedly in his acceptance of his woman? Does he engage in behaviors that continually suggest he plans to separate if things are not done his way?
It is conceivable that if such behavior patterns were called to the partner's attention (for example, in the context of joint marital therapy) that sufficient change could be induced to relieve some of the woman's feelings that he is undependable.
This, in turn, might sufficiently reduce her overall concern about the possible loss of her man to help increase her ability to reach sexual arousal sufficient for orgasm. note that this does not directly concern the man's knowledge of how to give a woman an orgasm.
2. A second possible approach would be in terms of individual psychotherapeutic exploration that focused on analyzing the woman's feelings and fantasies about her father (women's fathers seem to play a selectively important role in those attitudes that inhibit orgasm).
The essence of such psychotherapeutic work would be to make the woman aware of her original uncertainty about her father's lack of dependability and give her insight into her tendency to over-generalize what seemed to be true of him to her current heterosexual relationship. Once again this is not about how a man can give a woman an orgasm.
3. A third treatment alternative aims to cope directly with the perceptual "fading" process that has been presumed to elicit orgasm inhibition in women who are particularly concerned about object loss.
We think when a woman is sensitive to object loss, she finds a build-up of sexual excitement to be threatening because it is accompanied by diminished perceptual sensitivity and a retreat from what is "out there," which results in a feeling of having a less secure perceptual hold on objects and therefore less actual attachment to them.
In other words, the man who should know how to give her an orgasm cannot be trusted. The question arises whether the woman with orgasmic difficulties could be helped if she were made explicitly aware of the perceptual changes accompanying sexual excitement as well as interpretation of these changes.
If she could more directly face up to the perceptual "fading" process and become aware of her irrational assumptions concerning its significance, she might learn to master its threatening implications.
Indeed, if she could be assigned the task of repeatedly building up sexual excitement (for example, through masturbation) and studying the perceptual changes produced, she might gradually become less sensitized to their impact - and so ultimately less likely to become inhibited as orgasm approaches.
This page explains the classification of female sexual dysfunctions and here we explain the facts around how to reach orgasm during sex which provides information for women who are anorgasmic during partnered sex.
Reasons why female sexual dysfunction develops
Nonsexual Functions of Sex
Sexual behavior serves other needs than those that would be considered sexual in the strict sense of the term. For example, intercourse rates were found to be correlated with certain indices of narcissism.
Furthermore, masturbation frequency was found to be correlated not only with interest in novel experience but also with wishes having to do with demonstrating one's independence from one's mother.
Of course, many other theorists and clinicians have pointed out the nonsexual satisfactions or purposes that sexual behavior may serve in the life of an individual. Insufficient recognition has been given to non-sexual derivatives of various sexual behaviors.
Here are 237 reasons why women have sex. Many people apparently tend to feel guilt or a sense of inappropriateness when they become aware of such non-sexual derivatives in their own lives.
But discomfort of this sort might be partially dispelled if there were wider explicit recognition of the non-sexual functions of sex.
The woman who gets the urge to masturbate because she is seeking a novel experience or because she has the desire to affirm again her independence need not intrinsically have a greater sense of inappropriateness than she does when she eats to allay a general feeling of uneasiness or takes a shower to help her articulate her body boundaries.
This statement is made, of course, entirely from a non-moralistic perspective and would not apply within the context of religious beliefs, which, because they define non-sexual uses of sex as immoral, produce guilt and discomfort.
Kinsey discovered that ability to achieve orgasm consistently is positively related to amount of education. He also reported that the difference between women with low and high amounts of education does not disappear even after many years of sexual practice in marital intercourse.
It would be interesting to know if the same is true of men's knowledge about how to give a woman an orgasm.
What is important from a practical point of view is that women have been misled concerning the impact that education might have upon them as sexual persons. They have been led to fear that the educational process would make them all "brain" and diminish their body sexuality proportionately.
One can only say that it is time to emancipate them from this belief by a straightforward reassurance that it is untrue. There are analogous beliefs to the effect that if women aspire to roles or types of work that are conventionally masculine they will somehow lose their sexuality.
Although no scientific information is available about whether women in more "masculine" occupations are less sexually responsive than women in conventional sex status roles, one would doubt it since measures of masculinity of interest were unrelated to sexual responsiveness indices.
It is very unlikely that the homemaker or the feminine-looking model are more orgasmic than the woman engineer or taxi driver. Indeed, since testosterone plays a role in sex drive and ease or orgasm, it may be that women in masculine occupations are more orgasmic than their less testosterone fuelled sisters.
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