How To Give A Woman An Orgasm
How to orgasm during intercourse with G spot and clitoral stimulation
Just for clarity - by "sex" I mean any form of sexual contact between two people. By "intercourse" I mean a penis in a vagina.
While the majority of women don't reach orgasm during intercourse, it is possible, and the techniques outlined on this page will make it easier for a man to discover how to ensure a woman reaches orgasm.
However, if you just want to enjoy orgasm during sex - masturbation, oral sex, fondling, whatever - there's no obligation on you of any kind to seek out orgasm during intercourse.
For couples where the woman has difficulty climaxing during sex, the advice on how to have an orgasm may be even more helpful.
The major route to orgasm during sex for most woman is stimulation of the clitoris, the outer part of the vagina, i.e. the part nearest the opening, and the vulva.
How to make a woman orgasm
It's been reported that the most popular question sent in by female readers to Cosmopolitan magazine is: "How does a woman have an orgasm during intercourse?"
Sidebar: Of course, we tend to forget that men can have difficulty reaching orgasm too - a condition called delayed ejaculation.
We'd like to propose that the answer to this question is "Forget about orgasm during sex, at least for the moment, and think about having orgasms through cunnilingus during foreplay, before you even start on sexual intercourse itself."
You may think this is a radical shift away from intercourse; I prefer to think of it as a radical shift away from sexual frustration to sexual pleasure.
In other words, a shift away from intercourse (which is unlikely to produce orgasms by itself) to reliable techniques such as cunnilingus which will produce female orgasms consistently.
Besides which, few men can last long enough to permit a woman to come with the vigorous thrusting needed to stimulate her to a vaginal orgasm.
But what, you may ask, about the G-spot? This mysterious area of tissue just inside the vagina on the upper surface (as a woman lies on her back). It's reputed to be the fastest and easiest way for a woman to achieve orgasm, or for a man to give a woman an orgasm.
The G-spot has gained great notoriety, not least because many people still doubt its existence. Even some of those who do not doubt its existence believe that it may only be another part of the clitoris which lies behind the vaginal wall.
And a third group of people have no doubt that it's a separate organ entirely, capable of producing orgasms either with or without clitoral stimulation, and even capable of producing female orgasm and ejaculation.
When you read this book it becomes pretty clear that there is a part of the vagina which has more sensitivity that the rest, and which is capable of at least enhancing female orgasm, if not showing you how to have an orgasm during sex.
I actually believe that the G-spot is a sensitive area of tissue that can be stimulated during regular and prolonged penile thrusting in a way that will produce an orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation.
There are many people who will say that this is only because the G-spot is actually a part of the clitoris that lies behind the vaginal wall. Perhaps in the end it does not even really matter, if we simply accept that stimulation of this area of the vagina can - at the very least - enhance the experience of orgasm for a woman.
My approach therefore is to simply say that the clitoris is the primary source of a woman's orgasm, and stimulation of the vaginal wall can greatly increase her pleasure, either during manual stimulation, cunnilingus, or sexual intercourse.
The simple fact is that most sex positions do not directly stimulate the clitoris. This means that it is very difficult for women to orgasm during sex.
However, an ideal way of stimulating a woman's clitoris is cunnilingus from her partner: from his point of view, there is no danger of premature ejaculation, he is engaged in something that is highly sexually arousing him, and hopefully very enjoyable, and he is gaining satisfaction from the fact that he is giving his partner great sexual pleasure.
For advice on premature ejaculation control see this information on Lloyd Lester's Ejaculation by Command, a program to help men get over premature ejaculation.
Even in these supposedly sexually enlightened days men still gain great satisfaction from pleasing their partners sexually - and hooray for that! It's no bad thing for men to feel good when they make a woman orgasm during sex, for it's a real contribution to the relationship and the bond between the couple: in fact, it can be a real act of love.
And from the woman's point of view she can relax, lie back and enjoy it, without worrying about her man's pleasure, whether or not she will reach orgasm during intercourse, whether she is performing "well enough", and even whether or not she will have an orgasm.
Of course, like many things in life, sex is never as simple as it might be, so a woman is quite likely to worry about whether or not her man is bored, whether her vulva is clean, whether she smells fresh, how she tastes, and so on.
These worries derive from a culture in which sex has traditionally been geared towards male pleasure, and for some women overcoming these inhibitions can be a bit of a challenge. I will deal with these problems later but first let's look at the anatomy of the clitoris.
The clitoris and female genitals - how they give an orgasm during sex
The vulva, vagina and G-spot
Women's sexual organs are, obviously, much less visible than a man's, and since they are generally hidden from view, there may well be less knowledge about how they work and what the various parts actually do.
Men, and plenty of women, for that matter, have very little knowledge of the G spot and the parts of the female sexual organs which have the same capacity to become erect as the penis in men. So, looking from the outside inwards:
We start with the external genitals which you can see. This is the vulva, which lies underneath the Mound Of Venus or mons pubis (which is the area covered by the upper part of the pubic hair).
Underneath the hair is a layer of fatty tissue which can act as a shock absorber during sexual intercourse, and so help the woman to feel less impact of the man's thrusting on the pubic bone.
The vaginal opening lies between the folds of flesh known as the labia - which are the most visible part of the external genitals.
The inner and outer lips make up the two pairs of labia, the outer ones being known as the labia majora, and the inner ones known as the labia minora.
The outer lips are fatty and swollen and covered with pubic hair. The inner ones are hairless, and contain a large number of oil and sweat glands which keep the vulval fold moist. The inner lips protect the opening of the vagina. The outer labia originate in the same tissue as the developing embryo as the scrotum in males.
The inner labia are composed of erectile tissue so that they have the capacity to swell in response to sexual excitement - and they also change color as a woman becomes more aroused, due the increased blood flow into them.
The visible part of the clitoris is to be found where the labia minora meet.
The clitoris is not large, though its size is quite variable. Most of it lies under the skin; the part that is visible being the clitoral glans and hood.
This is the area where direct stimulation can be applied during sexual activity, though the clitoral glans is so sensitive that most women can only take direct stimulation when they are highly aroused and near orgasm.
This is an important fact for men giving women an orgasm during sex.
The clitoris is made up of erectile tissue and can change both size and shape markedly during sexual activity. In the initial stages of sex, the glans of the clitoris emerges from underneath its protective hood; this can also be pushed back to reveal the shiny surface of the clitoral glans.
The female genitals are very variable - there is not particular form or size which is "normal".
Further down from the clitoris, there is an area called the vestibule, between the labial folds. This area contains the vaginal opening, the outlet of the urethra from which urine emerges, and the outlets of various glands (most notably the paraurethral and vestibular glands).
The outlet of the urethra lies directly above the vaginal opening, and some distance below the clitoris. The opening of the urethra lies above the vaginal opening and below the clitoris.
If you haven't already explored your genitals, you may wish to do so, using a mirror and a light to help you see the different parts. The opening of the urethra is not all that easy to find, but looking for it can be a pleasurable experience!
The vaginal opening obviously leads up into the muscular cavity of the vagina.
Many men think the vagina is a hollow tube, but this is not correct - the vagina is actually a potential space, a closed organ, which opens out to accommodate a penis or other object inserted into it during sex.
This is why referring to a "slack" vagina or "tight" vagina is somewhat misleading - the ability of the vagina to grip anything inserted in it depends more on the fitness of its muscles, rather than the degree of stretching to which it has been subjected.
The paraurethral glands, which open near the urethra, are embryologically related to the male prostate gland.
The paraurethral glands, which are located in the urethral wall, provide mucus as lubrication during intercourse. The vestibular glands also provide mucus for lubrication.
The vagina and orgasm during intercourse
The vagina is a sheath, a short tube made up of muscles and fibrous tissue, with a delicate mucous membrane lining.
It opens to receive the penis in sexual intercourse and holds the semen ejaculated by the male partner for long enough for the sperm to begin their ascent to the uterus through the cervix.
It is also known as the birth canal and this represents its other major function, though menstrual fluids also find their way to the outside world through the vagina.
The vagina is flexible enough to accommodate almost any penis, regardless of size and shape.
Resting, it's only about 4 inches long, although it lengthens and widens during sexual arousal and sexual intercourse: it enlarges particularly when a woman has an orgasm during sex.
This capacity for changing size and shape is the product of the vagina's structure: an outer layer of circular muscles laid over an inner layer of muscles which run longitudinally.
Most of the vaginal muscles are not under conscious control (similar to the muscles of the gut). However, the muscles around the pelvic floor, or pubococcygeus (PC) muscles can be contracted, indeed, they can be trained and made more fit, just as any muscles which are subject to regular exercise can be; this fitness will improve the strength and power of a woman's orgasms.
As I already mentioned, the lining of the vagina is a mucous membrane which supports the slightly acidic natural environment of the vagina, and protects it from harmful bacteria. When the natural balance of the vagina is disturbed, the result can be a bad case of thrush - a fungal infection.
Oddly, semen also disrupts the natural acidic balance of the vagina, so having frequent intercourse may not be an unmixed blessing (with or without orgasm!).
The vagina opens into an area of the vulva called the vestibular area. When a baby girl is born, there is usually a thin membrane - the hymen - in place to protect the vaginal introitus (another word for the entrance).
The hymen has holes in it which allow menstruation to proceed, but although it has been regarded by many cultures as a sign of virginity, it often breaks long before a woman has her first experience of intercourse. These images show the hymen tissue around the vaginal opening.)
At the upper end of the vagina the junction between vagina and uterus is marked by the cervix, which is a narrow opening located in the front wall of the vagina.
The uterus is actually angled upwards and away from the vagina, an anatomical arrangement which allows for a little reservoir called the fornix to collect the semen produced during intercourse.
It also takes the force of the main thrusts during sexual intercourse. The cervix, the opening of the uterus to the vagina, is resting in the pool of semen when the woman lies on her back after the man has ejaculated.
If a woman has an orgasm during intercourse, her cervix dips into the pool of semen as her orgasmic contractions continue. This may be the purpose of the female orgasm.
The G-spot is the subject of much controversy, even now! In Freud's day, the clitoris was seen as the origin of "immature" female orgasms - he promoted the idea of the mature vaginal orgasm - absolute rubbish, but the idea somehow came back to prominence when the German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg found the G spot in the vagina.
Grafenberg said that the G-spot is in the front wall of the vagina, a very sensitive spot, located somewhere in the first third of the vagina. Later views have brought us back full circle to the idea of the clitoral orgasm - in the sense that the G spot is now seen by a lot of people as part of a vast network of erectile tissue which forms part of the clitoral structures.
What is beyond doubt is that the area is very sensitive indeed; the author Deborah Sundahl, who wrote Female Ejaculation And The G-Spot, regards the G-spot as part of a gland similar to the male prostate gland, for which many men seem to have problem in later life. However, natural prostate supplements for health are easily available.
The G spot has become popular because of the idea that it represents some sort of secret button which men can press and cause a woman to have a massive orgasm during intercourse, followed by a female ejaculation.
The reality is rather different - the G-spot needs rhythmical stimulation at the right point in sexual activity to become engorged with blood; as it swells, it becomes more sensitive to stimulation and feels better when rubbed with a finger or penis.
The more excited, the more stimulated a woman is, the more the G spot swells and protrudes into the vagina. A big challenge for many women is that they are cut off from the sensations in this area of their body: so they may feel numbness or discomfort when it is stimulated.
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