Cunnilingus - Oral Pleasure From Him To Her
You may not have thought of oral sex as a route to complete sexual satisfaction. For many couples, it seems like second best in the sexual scheme of things.
However, when you understand that more women like oral sex more than any other sexual activity, and that they reach orgasm from it more often than any other form of sexual activity, you begin to see the potential of good oral sex in a couple's sex life.
And when you add in the fact that many men cannot control their ejaculation, you see that giving a woman an orgasm by means of oral pleasure before sex begins ensures both partners are satisfied, even when a man does not know how to last longer during sex, i.e. when he cannot control premature ejaculation. (If this is you, get a copy of Ejaculation By Command by Lloyd Lester and check it out.)
For example, the Hite report on female sexuality contains many reports from women on how much pleasure they get from cunnilingus. Indeed, oral sex is described as women's favorite sexual activity over and over again.
A survey from VulvaVelvet.org asked women about ways they reach orgasm during sex, and how they rated various sexual activities.
You can see from the results below that cunnilingus - when a man makes a woman come by using his tongue, lips and mouth on her vulva - was far and away the most popular sexual activity for women.
The important thing to realize is that there are hundreds of ways to reach orgasm, and of course orgasms are just as important to women as they are to men.
And if sex is organized solely to satisfy the man without thought for the woman's pleasure, there is bound to be considerable resentment in the relationship.
This is the inevitable result of the way we have always had sexual intercourse: foreplay, intercourse, male orgasm, sleep. Where is her climax in this scheme of things?
Every couple, or almost every couple, regards intercourse as the mainstay of sexual activity. The simple point is, however, that it is not a way to satisfy the woman - at least not as far as her orgasms are concerned.
For the woman to achieve orgasm, another approach is necessary.
If you take the view that "women come first", then you are always going to have a recipe for successful sex.
Instead of staking your sexual pleasure and happiness on the success or failure of intercourse as a route to orgasm, you substitute an approach to sex which almost guarantees pleasure for both members of the couple.
And when you have shared orgasmic pleasure, you have intimacy, happiness, mutual respect and a warm, loving relationship.
It is also worth pointing out that most women will adore receiving cunnilingus from their man. It's such an intimate act, one so full of respect and intimacy, that it is bound to increase intimacy and mutual affection in the wider relationship.
So where do you go from here? Well, keep in mind this simple fact: 75% of men reach orgasm during penetrative sex within two minutes, and once they have done so they lose interest in sex.
Women, by contrast, need probably twenty minutes to get aroused sufficiently to reach orgasm during sex.
This means that men need to find some way of stimulating their partners for at least twenty minutes, and preferably more, before they have an orgasm. And since men get bored quite quickly, this has to be something which will not bore them.
Once again the answer is simple: make cunnilingus the main part of sexual activity, not a brief element of foreplay.
Our approach to sexual satisfaction and harmony:
This website will be extremely helpful to men who suffer from premature ejaculation. Naturally enough, this is a critical skill for men who wish to pleasure a woman during sexual intercourse.
But learning to last longer in bed can be challenging, can take a long time, and it has to be said, isn't always as successful as the man in question might wish.
With the approach that we adopt on this website to gain mutual sexual pleasure, a man's ability to last only a short time between penetration and ejaculation becomes much less of an issue.
With that in mind, let's get started on the road to complete sexual pleasure - and remember, your motto at all times is "women come first"!
The elusive nature of the female orgasm - and especially the female orgasm during intercourse
All couples understand and appreciate the difference between the male and female orgasm.
We all know how the male orgasm is so easily achieved: with straightforward stimulation to the penis and usually no other part of the body, a man can reach orgasm very quickly.
A male teenager can often reach orgasm through masturbation in thirty seconds or less, and this hurried approach to orgasm seems to be carried through into later life. Indeed, many authorities speculate that this type of teenage sexual experience is the cause of premature ejaculation in adulthood.
Certainly rapid ejaculation is a common problem - most women would prefer a longer lasting lover than they usually get; no doubt most men would prefer to last longer as well, if only to prolong intercourse.
By contrast, the female orgasm seems both more challenging to achieve, and much longer to get there.
It requires more complex ways of stimulating the clitoris than the penis needs - focus, persistent attention, and rhythmic stimulation, as well as a relaxed attitude - both on the part of the woman and on the part of the man if he is giving her an orgasm.
But despite the apparent difficulty of finding ways for a man to help a woman reach orgasm, one interesting fact which we should all keep in mind is that women whose partners spend twenty minutes or more on foreplay will almost always reach orgasm easily and consistently.
Of course, the reason this doesn't happen more often is that sex usually doesn't usually last anything like twenty minutes. Sex is geared to the man's rapid orgasm and ejaculation.
But just by shifting the focus a little, and making sex last for longer, not only can the man continue to enjoy his orgasm, but the woman can also climax during intercourse in a controlled way - in other words, reliably, predictably, and regularly.
And the tool with which a woman can be ushered into orgasm so reliably is, of course, her clitoris.
You've probably read that the clitoris contains twice as many nerve fibers as the penis. Considering its small size, you'd think it would be very easy indeed for a woman to reach orgasm.
However, it seems that the major reason why women do not reach orgasm as rapidly and easily as men despite the high number of nerves in the clitoris is that they do not have the same level of testosterone, the hormone which promotes sexual desire and arousal.
This means that it is necessary to encourage and develop a woman's sexual arousal through gentle stimulation of her mind and her body.
So at this point it seems appropriate to think about ways for a woman to reach orgasm during sex from both a man and a woman's perspective.
How To Give A Woman An Orgasm With Oral Sex
Cunnilingus - oral sex - is the one of the easiest and best ways to give a woman an orgasm.
Almost all men and woman enjoy cunnilingus but women may be concerned about the smell and taste of their genitals.
The main reasons why cunnilingus is such a good way of giving a woman an orgasm are -
Difficulties with cunnilingus
There are problems of course. The woman may feel vulnerable during cunnilingus if she has any inhibitions or reservations about her body - she is opening herself both physically and emotionally to her partner's gaze...but you can overcome some of these problems in simple, practical ways.
For example, if she is self-conscious about her body, it may be helpful to view clitoris pictures of other women's vulvas so she can compare them with her own, and see that whatever she has is normal.
As far as hygiene is concerned, we've already discussed the simple remedy: washing, perhaps taking a shower or a bath together before sex - this should reassure her that her taste and scent are as fresh as they can be.
For men giving a woman an orgasm by oral sex
It's absolutely essential that when you're giving your partner cunnilingus you enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it she will know this and become tense and move further and further away from any chance of you knowing how to give a woman an orgasm. But why would you not like it?
Cunnilingus is a real turn on, and can arouse you to the highest levels of your male desire, and since it's almost certain to give her an orgasm, it prepares you both for really enjoyable intercourse later.
So make sure that you tell her, genuinely, how much you are enjoying the experience of being intimate with her in this way. And give generously of your time.
She may or may not have an orgasm quickly, but we know that, given enough attention and foreplay, most women come through cunnilingus. In fact, this is the easiest way for a man, even a sexually inexperienced man, to give a woman an orgasm.
I already said that a huge majority of women who receive twenty minutes or more of foreplay will reach climax.
So, men, if you want to know how to give a woman an orgasm - it looks like foreplay and oral sex might just be the answer!
Cunnilingus is the ideal form of foreplay - it stops men getting bored. But you must reassure her that her taste, scent and appearance are all beautiful, and that they turn you on and that you desire her greatly.
Be aware that she may need frequent reassurance on this point.
You may have heard that a woman's vagina is very clean; perhaps you've heard that the vagina is cleaner than the mouth.
And that's true in terms of bacterial content, but it may not be true in terms of scent or taste.
So if she does smell a little strong, just shower together, and wash her using a mild soap....this part of her body is no harder to keep clean than a man's penis and balls.
But if she has washed and there is still an unpleasant odor, this may indicate some kind of infection - that's particularly true when she has a fishy odor, so encourage her to see a doctor.
You would expect the discharge from a yeast infection to have little scent, perhaps a slight yeasty smell. The discharge is often described as looking like cottage cheese, but this is not particularly common.
Every woman tastes and smells different in the genital area. And lots of factors affect the smell and taste of a woman's vaginal lubrication, including her diet and medication, her menstrual cycle, whether or not she smokes and drinks and whether she has had a man ejaculate in her vagina in the recent past.
But for many men, the scent and taste of their female partner is a crucial part of sexual attraction - and in general it's fair to say that most men will be attracted to the taste of a fresh, clean vagina.
Indeed, when a woman is aroused and producing more vaginal lubrication, the more attractive her scent and taste is likely to be. And this makes a man all the more likely to want to give her an orgasm.
She produces a more distinctive sexual scent as she becomes more aroused, which the man who has the good fortune to be giving her an orgasm through oral sex will in turn find more arousing.
There will be a point in a woman's sexual arousal where the taste of her vaginal lubrication changes significantly, and becomes even more appealing to her partner.
Cunnilingus and how to give an orgasm to a woman
You may wonder how common cunnilingus actually is. Among religious traditionalists, people whose attitude to sex is restricted by their religious beliefs (for example, they believe that homosexuality is wrong, that abortion is wrong, that premarital sex is wrong, that teenage sex is wrong, that extramarital sex is wrong, and so on) the overall percentage of couples who have enjoyed cunnilingus is about 56%.
Among people who have a more relaxed attitude to sex and are more tolerant, the overall percentage of couples who have enjoyed cunnilingus goes up to 84%.
Among women aged 18 to 24, 75% have received oral sex. That number does not vary much up to age 39, after which it drops off slightly.
This means cunnilingus is a popular way for men who wish to know how to give a woman an orgasm. It brings her to climax effectively and reliably. It's enjoyable and popular.
But practice safe sex. If you are with a new partner talk openly and honestly about your sexual history and whether or not you have had a sexually transmitted disease, and discuss any risky behaviors you might have engaged in.
Of course the experience of connecting mouth and genitals is an extremely exciting one; an experience much more exciting than "safe oral sex" where you use a latex sheet to prevent intimate contact. But don't let the excitement of knowing how to give a woman an orgasm get the better of your judgment.
However - I strongly recommend that giving her orgasm with cunnilingus should be a staple of a couple's sexual relationship.
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