How To Climax During Sex (The
Yoni Massage - And More!)
How can you improve the breadth and depth of your sex
life? These days, many of us have been exposed to new areas of sexual
activity which, a few years ago, we'd have never even dreamed about.
Whether or not these appeal is another matter, of
course, but the point is that there are lots of things you can do to
give yourself a wider and more interesting sexual relationship.
In general, some of these activities may well prove
to be less enjoyable in reality than they are in fantasy!
In reality, you may actually just enjoy trying sex in
new places (out of doors for example), or you might be content to try
new sexual positions. Or you might like to introduce toys into your sex
What's most important, here, I think, is that
whatever you elect to try, it should not be something which causes you
harm or damages your relationship.
The basic rule is this: no coercion. No matter how
much you might want to try something new,
there should never be any
coercion of your sexual partner into an activity which he or she may
find distressing, unacceptable, or unpleasant.
You may wish to spend some time thinking about what
it is that makes you feel discomfort around a particular sexual
activity, and you may even find that this process is sufficient to allow
you to try it. (An example would be when a woman doesn't wish to try
anal sex, for example, because she is afraid it might hurt her.)
Of course, an important point to keep in mind is that
there is no reason why you should try something that doesn't appeal to
Sometimes it's hard to keep a sense of perspective in
these matters, when the pressure of the culture seems to be all about
doing things in a certain way, or having certain expectations of
yourself or your partner.
It's also important to keep in mind that you don't
have to enjoy everything you try!
In the end, though, you may find that the best way
forward is to agree with your partner on those things which you find
acceptable and to draw boundaries which you know are important for you -
those are the sexual boundaries which you won't cross, at least for now.
In setting such boundaries, it's important to remember that rejection,
or a sense of rejection, can feel very hurtful.
When you ask your
partner for some new sexual experience, or you set out what is
acceptable for you, please do it in a way that ensures neither you nor
your partner feels rejected.
What if you've reached this point and you still cannot get to
orgasm? There are several things you might consider doing. The
first is to watch and wait - see what happens as times goes by.
If your sexual horizons have expanded widely, you might want to
just enjoy your new-found sexuality and see how it develops for
You may see it as
unrealistic to expect to have multiple orgasms, simultaneous
orgasms, and come every time you make love. As time goes by,
however, and as you learn more about your own sexual responses
and those of your partner, you may find that you naturally
become more orgasmic and more fully sexual.
If, on the other hand, you want to expand your
sexuality even further more quickly, you might like to take your work
further with a sexual therapist, either together with or separately from
You may wish to look for individual therapy (for issues
like low self-esteem or sexual abuse), couples therapy (for issues
within your relationship), or sexual therapy (specifically for issues
Certainly low levels of sexual desire and issues
related to abuse need to be looked at in the context of professional
As you may know, the recommended process is to talk
to several therapists and select the one who seems to be most "in tune"
Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the female genitals, more
specifically the vagina. It can be translated as "sacred space" or "Sacred Temple." In Tantric
Yoga or the discipline of Tantra, the
Yoni is always regarded as being a sacred object worthy of extreme love and
respect - a fact which men need to appreciate in many ways.
one way of paying the Yoni respect is for a man to ask his sexual partner if
may enter her before he penetrates her during sex.
A Yonimassage is always conducted
in a sacred space where the woman -- who is the receiver of this massage
-- can relax, enter into an altered state of consciousness, and absorb
the love and respect of the man who effectively is acting as her high
priest when she is the goddess of sex.
This view of sex and the
relationships between the sexes is based upon the belief that female
sexual connection goes to the source of all energy in the
universe: it is the woman whose Yoni connects with the ultimate source
of universal life energy.
Health issues can be particularly troublesome for women
who are trying to become orgasmic because they detract from the power of
You can find many remedies for common health problems
ion the internet, not least of them a set of home remedies for all the
most common issues that you may have to face in life - as we grow older,
the fact is that we age in a way which can cause sex to become less
enjoyable and the likelihood of orgasm to diminish.
This is why women can experience multiple orgasms for
long periods of time, and maintain themselves in a state of high
orgasmic energy for as long as they want.
Certainly the Yoni massage may not always bring a
pre-orgasmic or slightly inhibited women to orgasm, but the very act of
massaging the Yoni will always be a very pleasurable experience, and can
do nothing but enhance the pathway of development towards orgasm for all
women, no matter easily they can have an orgasm already.
The partner of the woman who is receiving the Yoni
massage (known as the giver) will enjoy this experience because it
allows him to respect and honor the femininity of his partner to the
full, and it will also allow him to make her orgasm (provided she is already orgasmic).
Also, he will
potentially witness something that can be extremely spiritual for
advanced Tantric lovers.
Furthermore, the Yoni massage it is an extremely
enjoyable form of safe sex, not to mention the fact that between two
partners (whether they are familiar with each other or not) it can build
enormous amounts of love, trust and intimacy.
Indeed, the Yoni massage is used by some
therapists to help women break through the sexual blocks that come from
sexual abuse or other inhibitions which can prevent them from achieving
orgasm: in other words, in every single way the Yoni massage is a
thoroughly helpful, beneficial, and enjoyable sexual or sensual
The object of the Yoni massage is not only about
having an orgasm, although this is often a delightful side effect. The
goal actually depends on what you wish to achieve -- it can be as simple
as obtaining immense pleasure from the incredible sensitivity of the
female body in general and the genitals in particular.
If you regard
the Yoni massage as an experience or a process rather than something
with a goal or an outcome to be achieved, you are free to relax and
enjoy it for what it is: a tribute to the sensuality of the human body.
If your lover can give you an orgasm it will, most
likely, be an intense orgasm, probably more expanded, longer, and more
intense than a normal orgasm.
It will also have an element of spirituality about it,
because the Tantric practitioners knew that the highest levels of
sexuality are a route to accessing our spiritual side.
In every Yoni massage the receiver must be encouraged to
relax into whatever is happening to her and to allow her mind to wander.
This means it must be conducted in an atmosphere of safety and respect
The Yoni massage - giving a woman an
Have the woman who is receiving the Yoni massage lie on
her back and place as many pillows as may be necessary under her head to
make her comfortable, so that she can look down at her Yoni and up at
the man who was giving her the massage.
Of course there is no reason whatsoever why a Yoni
massage cannot be given by a woman as well as a man. Indeed, there is
something particularly special about the transmission of this sacred
ritual and energy between two women.
The giver should place a pillow, one which has been
protected from the oil that you will be using for the massage with a
towel or some other suitable covering, under the hips of the women
receiving the Yoni massage.
You may also wish to place some kind of pillow or
cushion under the woman's knees, but in any event she must have her legs
slightly apart, perhaps crooked at the knees, so that her genitals are
clearly visible for the giver of the massage.
In this position the giver has full access to all parts
of the woman's body including her Yoni. Start the process by encouraging
the receiver to relax with deep slow breathing. It's helpful if both the
giver and the receiver coordinate their breathing so that they attune
their bodies' rhythms to each other.
If at any time the receiver starts to breathe quickly or
with shallow breaths, the giver should encourage her to slow down, take
deep breaths, breathe slowly and in a relaxed way, so that she does not
hyperventilate and so that with each breath she takes her body relaxes
more and more.
Start by massaging the woman's legs, thighs, chest,
breasts, abdomen and all the other parts of her body so that she begins
to relax and is ready for more intimate touch.
The massage can be given by a naked person who uses
their whole body surface to massage the receiver, by sliding the whole
of their chest area over the body of the receiver.
This certainly increases the sensitivity of the receiver
to the massage, but slow, long, sensuous hand and forearm strokes over
the receiver's body may work just as well. You will be using a high
quality massage oil which is at body temperature, so that when it
touches her Yoni it will not give her a shock.
When you are ready you may pour a small quantity of this
oil onto the pubic mound of the receiver: your aim is to allow
just enough oil to drip down the outer labia and comfortably cover the
outside of the Yoni.
Massage gently, slowly and carefully all around the
pubic mound of the receiver, over the outer labia and the perineum. Do
not rush this: the longer you take, the more sensitized she will become
to the joys of the Yoni massage.
As giver, you should relax and simply enjoy the process,
trying to achieve a state of mind which is as blank as possible.
At the same time, however, you need to be aware of what
is happening for the receiver -- in particular if her breathing starts
to speed up, or her back arches, or her body becomes more tense, you
need to encourage her to relax, for it is in the relaxation that she
will achieve the greatest pleasure of the Yoni massage.
Spend Time gently squeezing her outer labia between the
pads of your thumb and first finger. Slide up and down the length of the
labia in a sensuous and seductive fashion.
Then move on to the inner labia of the Yoni; take your
time and make the process a conscious one. Then move your attention to
the inner labia.
Once again take your time, and, if possible, look each
other in the eyes as you conduct the Yoni massage. It's helpful if the
receiver is able to give feedback to the giver about the pressure, the
speed, and any other aspects of the massage which need to be changed.
This feedback should always be given in a positive way
(e.g. "I love it when you do that but I just wonder if you could alter
your stroke slightly so that it is more ...") Nonetheless conversation
must be limited for it will take you away from the object of the
exercise which is to enter into a different mental space; if you talk
too much you will not achieve this.
Both of you should focus on the pleasurable sensations
that the Yoni massage is capable of delivering.
If the Yoni is a sacred garden, then the clitoris is the
centre point. Simply because of its small size it is incredibly
sensitive (it contains at least as many, if not more, nerve
endings than the head of the penis in a much smaller area) and it has
only one purpose -- to deliver pleasure.
This is the only organ in the human body of which
this can be said.
With such a high level of
sensitivity to touch, it behoves the giver of the Yoni massage to make
sure that he or she knows what they are doing.
Stroke the highly sensitive clitoris with both clockwise
and anticlockwise circles of your thumb and index fingers. Remember that
you are doing this as a mass urge rather than as a means to bring the
receiver to orgasm.
The lightest touch, the most delicate movement: that is
what is required, perhaps with an occasional gentle squeeze between your
No matter how aroused the receiver may become, remember
that you are not doing this to bring her to orgasm necessarily -- so
encourage her to continue to relax and take deep breaths, so that she is
able to move the orgasmic energy around her body without succumbing to
the temptation of dipping into her orgasm (just yet!)
And now when you feel the time is right gently insert
the well lubricated middle finger of your right hand into her Yoni. Take
your time to explore and amass large the inside of the Yoni with his
finger. Feel every surface of the inside of her Yoni.
Gently explore, feel upwards, downwards, and sideways,
vary the depth, speed, and pressure of the movements that you make as
you gently caressed the inside of her Yoni. Once again do it slowly and
with intent, for it is only in this way, with full conscious awareness,
that the true extent of the Yoni massage can make itself felt.
Do this with the intention of nurturing
and massaging and relaxing the Yoni. If the receiver is sufficiently
aroused you will feel a very smooth and tumescence area of tissue on the
upper surface of the Yoni a little way inside. This is her G spot or
sacred spot, and it is capable of delivering the greatest pleasure
when you massage it at the same time as the clitoris.
Insert your finger with your hand facing
palm up and make a crook with the tip of your fingers so that you can
massage this particularly special spot. The receiver may feel as though
she needs to urinate, or, if it is her first time with an experience of
sacred spot massage, she may experience a little discomfort.
For most women this should be a wonderful experience,
and they should have no problem accepting two fingers instead of one,
but if your partner finds this too much, then simply go back to one
The skilled Tantric lover is able to massage the
clitoris, the inside of the Yoni, and the receiver's anus all the same
time by using thumb, fingers, and little finger on the anus.
You may even wish to insert the tip of your little
finger inside her anus using plenty of lubrication should have no
problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers.
Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the
thumb of your right hand to stimulate the clitoris as well, or you can
if you wish use your left hand.
As you massage the receiver's genitals with your right
hand you can also use your left hand to massage her breasts. If you take
this option, use the thumb of your left hand to massage the clitoris:
the recommended method is to use your thumb in an up-and-down movement
while the rest of your hand rests on her pubic mound.
However you do it, the combination of Yoni massage and
clitoral massage is going to send her into an ecstasy of pleasure.
It's entirely possible that this kind of massage will
bring up very deeply repressed emotions, and these can be quite intense.
It's absolutely essential for the giver to remember that these are not
about him or her, but about the recipient's past experience.
The healing that can take place during this experience
is profound, and the greatest gift that the giver can provide for the
receiver is an atmosphere of generosity of spirit, loving, and giving --
no matter what happens, no matter what emotions arise.
If the receiver has an orgasm, simply keep her breathing
slowly and deeply and continue massaging if she desires this. It is
possible for skilled Yoni massagers to provide a series of orgasms, a
series in which each massage is more intense than the last - Tantricas call
this "riding the wave." You can see how this is done on
the tantra video available here.
When you have finished, complete the process with love,
honor and respect your partner.
Gently remove your hands and respect her body, allowing
her to relax and enjoy whatever cooling down period she needs. Getting
together in a cuddle or some other kind of embrace can be very
reassuring and supportive.
Learning the Yonimassage is
likely to enhance your sex life and your intimacy, as well as teaching
you a great deal about feminine sexuality.